Communication for results
by Lynn McIntyre
The Oxford dictionary definition of communication is... “The exchange of information and ideas from one person to another” What does this really mean?
Effective communication is when the receiver gets the same message that the sender intends to give. Communication is one of our most important life skills. We use it to interact effectively with people, but in order to influence them effectively, we first need to understand them. Listening is an art. By achieving good listening skills we can inspire openness and trust with those with whom we seek to communicate.
"Only 10 percent of our communication is represented by the words we say"
Very few of us ever practice the highest form of listening – empathic listening. Only 10 percent of our communication is represented by the words we say, another 30 percent by our sounds, and 60 percent by body language. The key to empathic listening is to be genuinely concerned about the welfare of the individual to whom you are listening.
In any communication situation there are three main dynamics in force – what is being said, what is intended and what was heard. To truly communicate for results we need to focus on both what we are hearing from others – and what we are then saying in our responses.
Stephen Covey in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, suggests we listen at 5 different levels of listening:
- ignoring – disregarding what is being said
- pretending – occasional acknowledgements without actually listening to what is being said
- selective – listening to portions of the conversation
- attentive – listening only to the words and not their meaning
- empathetic – listening in order to understand the speaker.
To encourage good communication we need to listen with the intent of understanding the speaker’s words, instead of projecting our own experiences and assuming their thoughts and feelings.
Greater rapport equals greater communication
One key to become an effective listener is developing rapport with those we are communicating with. This involves finding things in common and reducing differences with people. Rapport occurs through building similarities at the unconscious level. It is usually a natural process without any conscious attention when we are communicating with people we know well and are comfortable with. Good rapport building skills are often needed when communication has – or is about to break down. This often is when you do not like the other party; when you do not agree with them; when they are so different from you that you appear to have nothing in common.
The process of rapport building establishes a ‘bridge’ between two people. It provides the foundations for the communication. The quality of the rapport built with another person, will generally determine the quality of the communication.
There are 3 ways that we build rapport with others:
- We physically build rapport when we match gestures, body seating positions, breathing and facial expressions with the person we are interacting with.
- We vocally build rapport when we match voice tone, volume, tempo and intensity with those we are communicating with.
- We build rapport through the language that we use - matching wording, paraphrasing and ensuring that our actual words are understood completely.
A statistic that is widely known – yet possibly not widely used when communicating for results – tells us that the rapport building that we do based on the ‘physical’ – our body language – is of the greatest importance.
Naturally we all take in information through the different ways:
- physically - Body Language (55%)
- vocally - Tonality (38%)
- language - Words (7%)
“The meaning of my communication is the response I get”
This quote by Robert Kyosaki encapsulates the concept that we are responsible for the result we get when we communicate. We therefore need to ensure that we are aware of how to successfully build rapport and create relationships with others - and appreciate where our focus needs to be.
Effective feedback
In both our personal and professional lives we are constantly in situations where we need to offer our opinion or thoughts – and communicate it effectively.
The most common situation where this occurs in business is when we need to give feedback to another person – to let someone else know what we think about their attitude, behaviour, actions or results. This is also the most common scenario where our feedback has the ability to greatly affect others – either positively or negatively.
There are two common elements to effective feedback that at times we may not cover. They are to ensure that our feedback is both constructive and specific. Constructive feedback has a meaning to it that allows the receiver to use it – in a positive way. Specific feedback is clear, concise and can be understood fully by the receiver. By making any feedback both constructive and specific, we will always get a better long-term result.
At times, delivering constructive feedback can be challenging. There are some basic concepts to be aware of that, when put into practice, have positive results. One of these is to be completely aware of the language that you are using when delivering your feedback. It is often only the first few words that you say that are really heard by the receiver.
As an example, there is a much more positive acceptance of feedback on sensitive issues, when genuine emotion is felt by the receiver. To use words such as ‘I feel’ at the start of a sentence when explaining the effect of inappropriate behaviour, can ensure the receiver really does hear – and understand – the issue at hand.
Basics to giving effective feedback, include:
- making sure that the place and time are appropriate
- understanding completely, for yourself why the behaviour has happened
- ensuring details are given, as opposed to vague generalisations
- expanding to the consequences of behaviour, not just the behaviour itself
- providing clear and personal direction on what changes can be made.
By utilising some of these basic concepts you will be able to have greater control on how your feedback affects others – and consequently on positive outcomes.
If we take full responsibility for not only how we communicate – but also the results of our communication – we can ensure that both personally and professionally we communicate for results.